[KATHRYN]: Imperfect Thriving is a part of the Practice of the Practice podcast network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Beta Male Revolution, or Empowered and Unapologetic, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network. .

Welcome to the Imperfect Thriving podcast for all of us women in midlife to discover your self-limiting beliefs, determine exactly what you want your life to look like and the imperfect actions to get you there.
Hi, this is the Imperfect Thriving podcast and I’m your host, Kathryn Ely. I am so glad you are here today. I’m so excited about today’s podcast. Are you ready to move closer to your best life today, hear, trumpet, see confetti? Today’s podcast is all about the most important words we say and how they shape and mold our lives. Did you know that the most important words we say are the words we say to ourselves? It is so true. How we talk to ourselves, the words we say, and the way we say them affect everything, and I do mean everything in our lives. By the end of today’s podcast, you will understand why these are the most important words we say, how they affect every aspect of our lives, and how to begin understanding and noticing what words you tell yourself on a regular basis.

Are you speaking to yourself in a critical way with self-limiting words? If so, these words are what is holding you back from living your best life. These words are the biggest obstacles in your life. But before we jump in with today’s episode, just a quick reminder. If you enjoy this episode, please take a second to rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast. You are the reason I do this podcast, so please let me hear from you, and if you haven’t already done so, you could sign up for Your Blueprint to Thrive. Now, this is a free email course that I have designed, especially for you that will guide you step by step in assessing your satisfaction with your current life, determining exactly what you want your life to look like, and how to take daily imperfect action to get there.

So, head on over to imperfectthriving.com/course to sign up for Your Blueprint to Thrive, designed specifically for you. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Now first I want to start today’s podcast with a little story. Not too long ago, I spent a weekend in Auburn, Alabama and it was not for football. I was actually there to watch swimming. I had the privilege to watch my son and many others compete for their schools in the Alabama High School State Swimming and Diving Championship meet. Now, I always come away from swimming and inspired. I have the utmost respect for swimmers, the dedication and drive that it takes to swim so many hours a day, head down in the pool, staring at a line at the bottom of the pool. And like right now I’m actually at home recording while my son is at his second swim practice of the day. It just blows my mind the amount of dedication, so I’m always very impressed by swimmers. But in Auburn I felt especially privileged because of one swimmer in particular. And I will tell you about him in just a few minutes.

Let’s go back to my original question. Did you know that the most important words you say are the ones to yourself? Think about this for just a minute. There is a reason or reasons why you aren’t completely satisfied in all of your domains. There might be some external obstacles in your way, things outside of yourself that you have or have not addressed that are keeping you from being fulfilled in your domain and in your life. These obstacles can be time, money, difficult relationships. But have you thought about your internal obstacles, the words you say to yourself, the negative self-criticism, the negative self-stories, these words you say to yourself hold you back so much more than any external obstacle or obstacle outside of yourself ever could? No external obstacle is too big when you get past yourself limiting talk. These negative words, this negative self-talk that you tell yourself is the biggest obstacle right there between you and your personal growth and fulfillment.

Now back to my story and what I had the absolute privilege to witness recently in Auburn, Alabama. There was a young man at this meet who had no legs at all and only one arm. This is not someone I saw sitting in a wheelchair up in the stands watching the meet. He was a swimmer in the meet. He swam the 50 freestyle and the 100 freestyle. Now if you aren’t familiar with swim meets, the hundred yard freestyle is four laps of the pool. This young swimmer with one arm, swam four laps in one race and I want you to try to picture how quickly he had to turn his body to breathe, to maintain any balance in the water. Not only did he compete and complete this race, he swam in a heat with other swimmers, a race with other swimmers in the morning in the preliminary race, but in the final race, he was in the pool by himself with hundreds and hundreds of people watching him.

Not only did he complete this hundred-yard freestyle, he was able to get in and out of the pool unassisted. He has found a way. This swimmer is an incredible inspiration to me and he embodies what I work with, what I work on with all of my clients every day. He has extreme external limitations as extreme as humanly possible. He has real physical challenges, but in some ways he’s flair and more liberated than most of us are because he does not self-limit. He has found a way to overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles because he wants to swim. And human beings can overcome most external obstacle as long as we do not tell ourselves, “I can’t do it.” That is why the most important words we say are the ones we say to ourselves. Do you tell yourself, “I can’t do this?” Which leads you to go out into the world ….

I’m sorry. Do you tell yourself, “I can do this?” And which leads you to go out into the world and try with all of your mind until you actually do it and prove yourself you’re right? Or do you tell yourself, “I can’t do it,” then go out into the world and prove yourself right? You are going to prove yourself right either way, but the outcome is so incredibly different depending on what you tell yourself you can or can’t do. Now that young swimmer that I watched told himself, “I can do it,” and he proved himself right. What self-limiting words do you repeat on a loop in your head? Is it, “I’m too old to learn something or try something new?” Is it, “I’m not good enough, not smart enough. I’m too old to do X, Y,Z,” or, “I can’t do this until I lose weight?”

Well, for the first 46, 47 years of my life, I told myself I was not enough and I cannot do it. Not always exactly in those words. Sometimes it was much more subtle, but it was always extremely self-limiting. I told myself I was not enough and I was afraid to try because I was afraid to fail. I remember as a child every spring having every opportunity to join a summer swim team and every year I really wanted to, but every year my negative critical self-talk wouldn’t let me. I have two arms that work, I have two legs that work, I had no external limitations. I had someone who was willing to pay for me to do it, I had someone who was willing to drop me to and from swim practice. There was absolutely nothing that got in my way except the words I was telling myself, which were, “I can’t do it.”

How did I get past that? Well, it did not just go away. I had to take imperfect action toward the life I wanted despite the loud inner critic in my head. I looked at two options. I could continue to live small, confined by my internal negative self-talk, never try anything new or have a new pursuit as my children left the nest and I can continue to feel lost, empty, and unfulfilled. Or, I could take a leap despite my loud inner critic towards something that could be my one thing. The thing that was just for me that can get me to this fulfilling, satisfying, best life. And I took that leap. The inner critic was still there. I just didn’t give it the power of stopping me before trying.

Now, back to you. When you assessed your domains, what came up for you? “I’m too old to change. I should be satisfied with my life, I’m so blessed, I should not complain. I shouldn’t want anything more,” or, “I’ve already served my purpose.” Or, “I don’t know how to do anything else.” Did your loud inner critic bombard you with this negative self-talk before you even began the exercise? If so, go back to it and try again knowing what your brain is going to throw out at you and do it anyway. Go through your domains again and notice what negative stories come up. They might be so automatic at this point that you aren’t sure what they are, but if you’re not completely and 100% satisfied in each domain, I’m telling you there is some kind of negative story or negative self-talk there. Where does this negative story come from? How long have you had it? How loud is your inner critic? How often do you hear from this inner critic?

Is it daily? Is it several times a day? Is it anytime you think about starting something or trying something new? We hold ourselves back so much more than anyone else ever could because of how we talk to ourselves. I mean, when we really want to do something, can external obstacles stop us? No. We can be incredible advocates for our children, for important causes we believe in. We can move mountains, but we hold ourselves back in ways we would never hold anyone else back. We speak to ourselves in words and in tones we would not use to speak to others.

I’m so glad that you’ve joined me for today’s episode. Now, here’s your daily imperfect action to take. Take some time today to uncover the negative stories you tell yourself, the negative self-talk that’s keeping you from taking imperfect action toward the life you want. Take this most important step today. To move forward, you must know what has been holding you back and after you do that, pat yourself on the back, hear the trumpets, see the confetti. Celebrate the fact that you took action toward the life that you want. Thank you so much for being here with me today. Now go out and take imperfect action until next week.

If you love this podcast, will you rate and review it on iTunes or your favorite podcast player? Also, I have a free nine-part Your Blueprint to Thrive email course. It’s a step by step guide to find out what you want your life to look like, exactly what’s holding you back, and how to get to that life you want. Head on over to www.imperfectthriving.com/course to get the course today.

This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regards to the subject matter covered. This is given with the understanding that neither the host, Practice of the Practice, or the guests are providing legal, mental health, or other professional information. If you need a professional, you should find one.