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So far we have worked on some very important steps to make the shift from perfectionist- high stress with unrealistic expectations that create a fear of failure to realistic expectations or better yet no expectations and process focused.
We want to add in the last piece of the puzzle today….that piece that is so hard to find…we have been looking and looking but it was hidden under the box top with the picture of the puzzle on it.
With perfectionism, comes critical self talk right? You are never good enough because you can’t possibly live up to the unreasonable standards you set for yourself. When you don’t live up to those standards, what do you do:
You call yourself lazy. You tell yourself “I can’t do it.” You tell yourself all sorts of critical things.
It is called negative reinforcement. By beating yourself up after you try and necessarily fail to live up to your standards, you are making it less likely that you will continue to try new things in the future.
If someone else insulted you every time you did something, you would stop doing it.
Well those days are over. Today we are going to find self-compassion.
We have already made it easier on you to switch from being your own harshest critic to your own biggest cheerleader by letting go of expectations and becoming process focused. If there are no expectations, there is no need to criticize.
I want you to begin treating yourself the way you would a friend, or better yet, a small child. Every time you take action, I want you to cheer yourself on. Congratulate you. Pat yourself on the back. Sit in the feeling of being proud of yourself for taking action and moving forward, however imperfect it was.
Now you are positively rewarding yourself- making it more likely that you will continue to take action and move toward what is important to you. This is how you reach goals. You reach goals by determining what you want. Determining what action it will take for you to get there. Starting the action when you are 80% ready. And focusing on the process-learning and making the process better each time. And by doing so you achieve your goal, low stress, actually enjoying yourself along the way and not just at the end when you achieve a result.
I hope you have enjoyed this workshop. I hope you have learned how not to get stuck in perfection. If you want more help with this- just reach out. This is one thing I help my clients with daily.
Click here for the link to the free episode pre-assessments and post-assessments to help you get the most out of this workshop.
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Meet Kathryn Ely
I’m Kathryn Ely and at age 50, I’m enjoying my very best life. I spent years as a lawyer and then stay-at-home mom helping others go out into the world and live their best lives. While this was very important to me, I did not realize that I was losing myself in the process. I followed all of the “shoulds” like “women should always care for others” and “taking time for yourself is just selfish”.
As two of my children were getting ready to go out into the world I realized I was lost, without my next purpose, and it was scary. So I went back to school and over the course of several years, I not only found myself, but I designed the formula for women in midlife to achieve their most fulfilling lives. It is my mission to equip as many women as possible with this design and the tools to make this chapter of their lives the best chapter.
Thanks for listening!
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Imperfect Thriving is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Beta Male Revolution, or Empowered and Unapologetic, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.