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Have you ever thought to yourself, if I could just lose this weight, I will be happy. Or if I can just get my kids through to this age I’ll be less stressed, or if I could live in this house, all my troubles will just disappear.
If you have said this to yourself or something similar, you are not alone. More often than not we look outside of ourselves to find happiness.

On this week’s Imperfect Thriving episode, Kathryn speaks with Paula Miller, who struggled for most of her life to find happiness and it was in the last place that she looked that she actually found it.

Meet Paula Miller

Paula is a RN of 22 years by day and a striving entrepreneur by night. She has battled obesity, body shame, and low self esteem since kindergarten. Paula has completed in bodybuilding and powerlifting and was an avid CrossFitter for 7 years all while battling hormone imbalances, infertility and stage 3 adrenal fatigue. She has a deep desire to make an impact and serve others by helping to overcome body shame by developing daily habits and positive mindset.

Check out Paula’s podcast, her Facebook community, and Instagram.

In This Podcast

Summary

• How one childhood experience can determine our path
• Why losing weight doesn’t guarantee happiness
• The effects of hormone imbalances and adrenal fatigue
• How to change negative self talk

How one childhood experience can determine our path

Paula had a great childhood with supportive and loving parents. It was one moment in school that had a lasting impression on her own views of herself. At only five years old, a school dietician took her aside and told her she was fat. That became the catalyst to a lifetime of undoing the emotional damage that moment had caused. It had an impact well into the impressionable years of junior high and high school, and even when she spoke to a recruiter with the air force. Lacking self-worth and self-esteem led to behaviors and bad habits in college that only temporarily fed the validation she sought out. The snowball effect was in full force and only perpetuated the vicious cycle.

Why losing weight doesn’t guarantee happiness

After meeting her husband, they moved to Omaha where they had settled down. She had met someone who loved her for who she was and as a result, she got comfortable. After seeing a photo of herself from the 4th of July, Paula became quickly obsessed with dieting and exercise. She lost 100 pounds, had six pack abs, and yet still woke up unhappy and wanting more. Working out 4 hours a day while calorie restricting took a toll on her metabolism. Paula decided to try CrossFit and after 7 years of dedication, she still found herself gaining weight and chasing happiness.

 Happiness really comes from within and you see people that are a size zero, and I’m sure they’re still not happy with themselves.

The effects of hormone imbalances and adrenal fatigue

Paula got her hormones tested to discover she was in stage 3 adrenal fatigue. Had she continued to operate as she had been for another year, she would have landed herself in the hospital with her organs failing and body shutting down. Most people who are in stage 1 wouldn’t know it unless they specifically got blood drawn for testing. If someone gets to stage 4, adrenals no longer are releasing hormones and could take years to recover from.

Adrenal fatigue can occur from staying in the fight or flight mode for an unsustainable amount of time. Overusing that response eventually turns it off and the only way to recover is from plenty of rest. Paula had to give up weight lifting (and caffeine), which she considered a huge aspect of her identity. She had left everything to move to California as a travel nurse and no longer had her connections to support her. She became reflective and had high functioning depression.

How to change negative self talk

After having an “a-ha!” moment, Paula realized she wouldn’t find happiness through weight loss. She went through the Purpose Chasers Academy and had joy and satisfaction in determining her life purpose. Above all, she was able to look at herself in the mirror and truly say she loved herself. Key factors in discovering and cultivating happiness from within include what Paula calls her “j-a-m.” Journaling, positive affirmations (in front of a mirror), and meditation. The more the affirmations were recited, the more they sunk in and felt real. Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable to help with the fear of failure was also important in sparking that happiness from within.

Free progress over perfection workshop

Do you ever procrastinate?
Do you ever beat yourself up with critical self talk & feel like a failure?
Do you or others often fail to live up to your expectations?

You might just be a perfectionist, my friend. I know because I’m a recovering perfectionist myself. Through my education and experience, I’ve learned how to let go of perfection and begin enjoying my life to the fullest and I want you right here with me.

Go ahead and sign up for my FREE Progress over Perfection workshop that I created to help you move from struggling with perfectionism to living a satisfying and fulfilling life.

And if you are still not sure whether you are a perfectionist, I have a free quiz at the beginning of the course. If you check any of the boxes “YES” in the quiz, then this workshop is for you. Click here to begin the workshop now.

Useful links:

• From Addiction to Recovery with Tamar Medford | IT 040
• Imperfect Thriving Facebook Group
• Imperfect Thriving on Instagram
• Imperfect Thriving Free Email Course (Your Blueprint To Thrive)

Meet Kathryn Ely

I’m Kathryn Ely and at age 50, I’m enjoying my very best life. I spent years as a lawyer and then stay-at-home mom helping others go out into the world and live their best lives. While this was very important to me, I did not realize that I was losing myself in the process. I followed all of the “shoulds” like “women should always care for others” and “taking time for yourself is just selfish”.

As two of my children were getting ready to go out into the world I realized I was lost, without my next purpose, and it was scary. So I went back to school and over the course of several years, I not only found myself, but I designed the formula for women in midlife to achieve their most fulfilling lives. It is my mission to equip as many women as possible with this design and the tools to make this chapter of their lives the best chapter.

Thanks for listening!

Did you enjoy this podcast? Feel free to leave a comment below or share this podcast on social media! You can also leave a review of the Imperfect Thriving Podcast on iTunes and subscribe!

Imperfect Thriving is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Beta Male Revolution, or Empowered and Unapologetic, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.

Podcast Transcription

Kathryn:

Welcome to the show, Paula. I am so happy to have you here today. 

Paula:

Thank you, Kathryn. I’m excited to be here. 

Kathryn:

Well we met through a mutual friend, Adam, think the world of him, right. And this million pound mission and all that he’s doing. Then since then we now have I call her my new friend. I don’t know if she calls me her new friend, but Tamar. 

Paula:

Yes. 

Kathryn:

Also a good friend of yours. 

Paula:

Absolutely. I adore her. We’ve had a lot of ups and downs. We officially met in September at an event that Adam was hosting down here in California. And we just been best buds since we just hit it off. I picked her up at LAX airport and it was nonstop chatter to our hotels for two hour drive. 

Kathryn:

Oh that’s awesome. So tell us a little bit about you and how you got to where you are today. 

Paula:

Well, I had an amazing childhood growing up, amazing parents.

They’re been married for 56 years as of last week. and very stable childhood. But my story began when I was in kindergarten and I was pulled out of the classroom by a dietician. She sat me down to her office and she just looked at me. Like I said, I never forget that moment, but she said you are fat.

And that stuck with me to this day, it’s very traumatic for a five, six year old to hear those words. And, it left a scar on me through all those impressionable years, junior high, high school, college. Oh, yeah. And looking at pictures, I really wasn’t that fat. I just mentioned this to my dad just recently.

And he’s like, Oh, I remember that day. Cause he was a teacher there at the time and he never told my mom and my mom just found out probably a few months ago when I started telling my story. 

Kathryn:

Oh, wow. 

Paula:

And she’s like, Paula, she goes I am so sorry you know and why did I… so yeah

Kathryn:

That is just so hard.

What did your little brain do when she told you that? 

Paula:

I guess it really didn’t affect me until I got a few years down the road. Even well, fifth, sixth grade even. And I’m like, God boys aren’t paying attention to me. It’s because I’m fat.

Or, I just had that, no self esteem, no self worth. Then going into junior high, I never had a boyfriend, never went to prom. I want to back up a little bit. I did go to a one room country school house where my mom taught me. So I was just kind of the chai and then I go to town to the big town to school.

I went from a class size two to a 200. So that alone was just kind of intimidating. And you just kind of kept to yourself a little bit and just kind of feeling your way through. But then, yeah, so I never really had a boyfriend, never went to prom, like I said. So again, it leads back to it’s just the way I look.

Right. Yeah. And then I was in ballet for 12 years and my senior year, she goes, Oh, well, you can’t move up or progress into the number one class last because of my weight, I don’t look like the other girls. So again, it’s that body shame that the identity that I’m I’m fat.

Again looking back, I wasn’t. My mom’s like Paula, you weren’t that fat. I was maybe a size 12, not horrible. And then I was going to go into the air force that senior year. Cause Top Gun came out, right Tom Cruise. And I got that bomber jacket for Christmas and I just wore it out.

I just wore it everyday. I just loved it. And so I’m like, I don’t want to go into the air force. So again, the recruiter came out, I had to lose 20 pounds even to get in. So my dad got me up going for walks every day. And I tried all the diets, the cabbage soup diet, Jenny Craig whatever diet was trending at the time and I didn’t lose the weight.

So then I’m like, okay, I’m a failure. So it just snowballs. And then I go to college and I again, never had a boyfriend, but I started drinking a lot, just college days. Right. And experimenting with a lot of things, I guess I could put it that way. Every guy that came that touched me or paid any attention to me, I’m like, Oh my God.

Okay. And again, I just had no self worth. It was just like any attention is better than anything, right. They paid him to me. So yeah, it’s kind of went down a dark hole there too. 

Kathryn:

So I definitely want to hear the rest of your story, but there’s so much that I want to ask just from what you’ve already said.

And you mentioned that maybe it didn’t start affecting you. The fact that the dietician called you fat didn’t start affecting you necessarily when you were five or six, but I’m kinda hearing that it did. I’m kinda hearing that your self esteem or lack of started at that at that moment, really even though you didn’t realize it until later. 

Paula:

That’s a good point. Yeah. 

Kathryn:

So, it really started showing up like it often does, right? When we start wondering what boys think about us. When what they start to think matters, then we really start looking at ourselves through a microscope and in very critical ways.

Cause we’re trying to decide what is it that they exactly want and how can I be that? 

Paula:

100% right. 

Kathryn:

So, tell me how once you realized that was affecting you throughout your childhood and your high school years, kind of paint the picture of what your life was like and the thoughts that you had about yourself?

Paula:

Oh gosh it was constantly every morning I woke up, I’m like, okay, what can I wear that will…So I’m like kind of getting emotional now, thinking about this. But I was the third or fifth wheel through junior high and high school. All my girlfriends had boyfriends and I drove them around while they were making out with their boyfriends in the backseat of the car.

So tears were shed driving my friends around. I’m like I wish I could be in their shoes. Am I not wearing the right clothes? Is my hair not right? If I could only lose 20 pounds a boy would like me.

And never did I think that if I just had a little more self confidence in myself, they would like me for who I am and not for what I look like but back then in junior high, you don’t think about those things. It’s all how you look. Right? I had amazing friends don’t get me wrong.

They were amazing, it is what it is. 

Kathryn:

What sort of behavior do you think that lack of self esteem led you to?

Paula:

Well when I went to college, like I said, it was like sex, drugs and rock and roll. Like I said, any guy that even said hi to me and grabbed my arm, I’m like okay.

It just led me to horrible behaviors and bad habits. 

Kathryn: 

So yeah, it makes complete and total sense. Right. Alcohol and drugs let your inhibitions go. 

Paula:

Absolutely. 

Kathryn: 

And when you have no self esteem or self worth, you’re always inhibited. You’re like in a straight jacket because of how you categorize yourself. Right? So letting go of that inhibitions is a complete escape for a short time of feeling the way you want to feel about yourself. But then what happens when that feeling goes away? How does it come back? What is that like? 

Paula:

Yeah it was horrible, Kathryn. I laid in bed many nights in tears at college. What am I doing to myself? Why am I acting this way? That vicious cycle and the next night at same thing happens again. I did become aware of what I was doing but those old limited beliefs, those old thoughts.

Kathryn:

The need to feel good about yourself. Until the need goes away, the behavior continues, even though you can see it from like the 30,000 foot view and know this is not good for me, but I still need it. 

Paula:

Exactly. I was aware, but I still, I craved that attention.

Kathryn:

And I see that with so many women who do not value themselves, they look for men to pick them.

There’s never any thought about. What do I want? Who do I want? What is good for me? That that fits my values. When it comes to relationships, you don’t even get there. It’s the thought of somebody just pick me. Right. Just pick me you, do what you want with me. Just pick me. 

Paula:

Exactly, and it’s funny because you hear, Oh, you have such a great personality. You have such a pretty face all these. Like I don’t give a crap. You don’t hear those things.

Kathryn:

All you hear, that’s a consolation prize and that’s not what I want exactly. So, you know, how did you talk to yourself throughout that time. Can you remember like the negative things or the self limiting beliefs that you had that you said to yourself as you were growing up and going through that? 

Paula:

Yeah it was always, I was fat. That’s the only things that I thought about is just like, what can I do to, to get rid of this weight?

My whole life has been consumed by dieting. Even through, like I said, I was never really, really obese or I just that chunky, big bone, as I say. And social media nowadays, too, it wasn’t as bad back then like it is.

Oh my gosh. I feel so horrible for the girls nowadays and boys going through social media nowadays, I don’t know how they do it. I’m thankful back then. I couldn’t imagine that then what I’d been, it’d been 10 fold. 

Kathryn:

Perfectionism is going up because of it. Right. Because everything looks more perfect than it is. And we judge, especially at that age, they judge themselves against their peers and it sure does look like they’re perfect. On Instagram. Right? 

Paula:

Looks like it. Yeah.

Kathryn:

Looks like it. Exactly. So kind of take me through a day in the life of Paula when you were consumed by dieting and what that looked like for you, how it affected your relationships, how it affected everything. What was that like? 

Paula:

Well, finally I got out of that environment, in college, my parents were like, you’re out of there, moved across the state and I got perfect. A’s. I was great at school and didn’t party much. Well, then it kind of started getting back into that same.

Same, partying and whatnot, those friends, you always find them again. But anyway, I met my husband. Thank the Lord because he settled me down. He saw, I was going down that same path. He’s like you’re out of there basically. Let’s move to Omaha.

Moved to Omaha. Got married, settled down, and you got comfortable, being married and finally I found somebody that who loves me for who I am. I was just happy and started gaining that weight over the years, so 10 years goes down the road and I probably, I tip the scales at 265.

I was bursting at the seams at size 24. I’m like, okay, this is it. I really never did a whole lot of dieting exercise. I found somebody who loves me and I was comfortable, but when I tip the scales at 265. I was like, whoa and I’ll never forget it either.

I saw a picture of me. It was 4th of July picture and I avoided pictures. I never wanted a picture taken of me. And if they did, I didn’t want to look at them. And I saw a picture of me and I’m like, Holy shit, is that me? Oh my God. I couldn’t believe it. So that’s that was the tipping scale, so to speak, that led me down the path of dieting exercising.

And I became obsessed. I lost over a hundred pounds and I got into bodybuilding. I’m inspired too. I’m like Oh my God. I want to get that six pack now so and started doing bodybuilding shows and the thing was, I had that six pack and I still woke up and I wanted more.

I wasn’t happy. It just blows my mind. I look at back down, I’m like, Oh God, I would die to have… You know, it’s just like, I just I can’t believe it. So, you know, happiness really comes from within and you see people that are a size zero, and I’m sure they’re still not happy with themselves.

Kathryn:

That if if you have the thoughts of, I’m not enough, there is nothing in the world that you can do to ever feel like you are enough. You could look perfect to everyone else in every aspect of your life. And you’re not going to be satisfied until you have not just gotten to self-acceptance, but self-love.

Paula:

Amen. 

Kathryn:

So how long did you spend on the dieting? The weightlifting, what you were bodybuilding power lifting, CrossFitting right? 

Paula:

Yes. So I went from the aesthetics portion with bodybuilding and I kind of got bored with that after a while, and well with the body building towards last year or so I started gaining a little bit of weight. And looking back my metabolism was shot because I it was working out four hours a day and eating 1200 calories. So eventually my body started, it wasn’t happy with me. Right.

So I’m like well CrossFit was kind of coming around at 2009. So my 40th birthday, I’m like, you know what, I’m gonna join CrossFit. Maybe that’ll help me get those few extra pounds that I gained off. Right. So I joined CrossFit and I drank the Koolaid hard. It was my life for seven years.

Then I started again, the weight kinda crept up. I would work out still. I could probably do it even twice a day and eating very clean and still gaining weight. Someone says, maybe it’s your hormones. I went and saw a functional medicine practitioner, I got my hormones tested and they’re like, wow, you got stage three adrenal fatigue.

And they said, if you would have gone probably another year at the pace that you were going, your organs would have shut down and you’d have been hospitalized.. So that was kind of a wake up call for me. Like I’m doing too much. My body’s too stressed. I need to need rest.

Kathryn:

Explain to us a little bit about what did you say? Third stage adrenal fatigue means for your body. 

Paula:

Yeah, so my cortisol levels were, I could not get to sleep at night at all. I had insomnia so bad. And then when I woke up in the morning, I had needed caffeine to get me through the day. It’s like picking up my legs to walk, I was so exhausted. But I’d still go work out. I think they say stage one is, you don’t even wouldn’t even know if you’re a stage one, unless you got your blood tested, blood drawn. But stage four your adrenals are pretty much shot, they’re not releasing any hormones.

So you would have been been hospitalized. And I don’t know if you could really recover from that. It’d take years to recover from that. And even today, I’m still trying to recover from my stage three adrenal fatigue. That was in 2015. It’s about five years ago. Yeah, 

Kathryn:

For those of us that don’t have a medical background. What does, I know what cortisol does, but can you explain a little bit more about cortisol and the adrenal gland and how that actually works or affects your body? 

Paula:

Yeah it’s that a fight or flight. So adrenaline basically. And after a while, if you overuse, it shuts off, your body can’t can’t function.

So you just really, really, really need to rest. And so they told me I could not have any caffeine or couldn’t work out for six months. And for a person who was obsessed with working out that was stressful. I went through a little depression and they said you can walk and like, Okay.

Kathryn:

Right so yeah that makes total sense to me because I hear it with my clients a lot of time. I’m hearing it with you that there was a lot of rigid sort of all or nothing thinking. If you were in, you were gonna be all in. So of course you’re going to get depressed when you’re obsessed and all in with this exercise, thinking that this is your answer, right? 

This is it for what you want to be, who you’re going to be and then you’re told you can’t do that. 

Paula:

Yeah. I am exactly 100% all or nothing. And then, so I moved out here to California leaving behind all my, cause I got into powerlifting too after my adrenal fatigue, they says you can do heavy lifting. Well, in CrossFit, I love lifting heavy.  Powerlifting is my jam. So I eventually made it to nationals, got some national records in that. So I moved out here to California and left everybody behind my husband, my family, my friends, my tribe, my gyms, everything.

And I literally went to nothing. didn’t work out. I lost all motivation, lost all willpower. And, yeah, I didn’t do anything for probably six probably or close to a year. I didn’t work out at all. So talking about all or nothing. 

Kathryn:

So couple of questions about that, I did want to want to hear about like the why behind leaving everything and coming to California, for sure.

But what do you think happened when you got there that led you to not do anything? 

Paula:

Well, and that’s the thing, I’m like, what is wrong with me? I know what to do. I know how to do it. I’ve been doing this for 15 years and I know what to eat, what not to eat, but why can’t I get my butt out of bed and do it. 

So I guess I just needed, never knew it until then, but I needed that external motivation that, that accountability. Cause I always had a workout partner. I always had a coach. Whether it was with my bodybuilding, with CrossFit, you have a program that you follow and with power lifting, I had a coach, so I always had that accountability and always had that program and I get out here and I’m like, Oh, okay.

Now what do I do? It was insane. 

Kathryn:

And connectedness and supportThat’s what I’m hearing is not only that accountability, but you left all the people behind who loved and supported you. It’s not that you lost their love and support, but you weren’t experiencing it on a daily basis.

What effect do you think that had on you? 

Paula:

Well I was depressed. I really was more of a high functioning depression, I guess you could say. I mean, no one going to work. No one would think I was, but I get home and I’m like, Yeah, I was depressed. Just leaving my family and my husband behind.

Kathryn:

I can totally see that. Not having satisfaction in your intimate relationship, love relationship domain and your friends and community domain and your family domain. All of your level of satisfaction in those domains were very low at that time, which of course affects how you feel. 

Paula:

Yes. again, your self esteem, your self worth, what’s wrong with me, you know, all comes in play too, it was a struggle. I’m not going to lie.

Hormone issues, stemmed by rigid beliefs and weight issues. A lot going on, then move by yourself to California. What prompted you to move by yourself? 

Kathryn:

Well, I was a travel nurse initially when I started being a travel nurse, my husband and I were going to sell everything and we were sort of traveled the country in an RV and good life right. But I moved to a travel assignment, three hours away, which was crisis pay. The pay was very good. And it was only three hours from home. I was able to come home on the weekends, so it was just perfect. Getting a really good pay and close to home. So I was stayed there for like two years.

So my husband who sold his business thinking that we were going to travel. He had kind of had to build that back up again. So I just kind of continued to travel, came out here to California and loved my job here out here. And found out that you only need to work five years to accrue the benefits, the government benefits.

I love my job out here, which is not many people can say that which is huge. And so I just decided to stick out here for three years and then hopefully go back to Omaha for my other two so I’m out here for three years.

Kathryn:

So totally get it, the pull to that, but it’s also a very good example of how we can be extremely fulfilled in one area, right? The pursuit or career domain can completely fill us up. But without some level of satisfaction in the other domains that are most important to us, it’s not enough.

Paula:

Yup. And being lost. I was lost. I didn’t know what direction to go. I’m like, I just can’t go on living like this. And I lost my identity, my fitness identity. So I’m like, who am I? And I was sick and tired of being consumed by diet and exercise my life, my mind, everything was consumed by it for years.

Well, since kindergarten. Right? So I’m like, there’s more to life than this. So in a way that year, I guess I did a lot of reflection and it just led me down to the path where, there’s more to life than how I look. Yes, I want to lose weight. I need to lose a little bit more weight, but I’m losing it as respecting myself.

I eat healthy because I love myself. I exercise and move because I love myself. Not because I wanted to get to a number on the scale. 

Kathryn:

So do you think it was a form of like hitting rock bottom that made you look within to figure out a different way? 

Paula:

Yep. Absolutely.

Kathryn:

Tell me more about that. What that was like? 

Paula:

Yeah I spent many nights crying here in my studio apartment and I did, like I said, a lot of reflection and I just said that I listened to a podcast with Mark Crandall and with the Purpose Chasers Academy and something really hit me, I had an aha moment.

I had a few of these and I knew there was something out there for me. But I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t know my why. I didn’t know my purpose and I know I needed to find it, because my why and my purpose before.. I really didn’t even know it really. It was focused on getting down to a certain number on the scale and looking a certain way.

At 50 years old, I’m like, I need to figure this out. So. I went through his Academy and I found my why, and I found my purpose, I found my calling and, just my life changed and I’ll never forget. 

I went home to Omaha and I was flying back and I was sitting in the toilet, 30,000 feet, on a Delta airline toilet. And they had a mirror kind of sit in front of you or off to the side a little bit. I looked in there, I’m like, Oh my God for the first time I was in my life. I said, I love you. And it’s just amazing how finding your purpose can bring so much joy and satisfaction into your life. When you know that you have a vision and you have a mission in life, it’s changed my life. It really did. 

Kathryn:

So you found your value and your worth, it was there all the time was you just didn’t know it. That’s beautiful. 

Paula:

It was a process still, that was back in January and I’ve done a lot of self work since then. And my love for myself has become deeper. And it’s just amazing,  learning to do positive affirmations. I call it my morning jam. I do, journaling, affirmations, and meditation, and meditation has definitely changed my life.

It’s been the game changer for me and basically the whole part of j-a-m, journaling, meditations and affirmations. And I was challenged to do my affirmations standing in the mirror naked and again, another game changer, aha moments. It was hard. I was in tears, looking at myself in the mirror, every roll, every wrinkle.

And you say those affirmations, you’re beautiful, you’re worthy, but I really didn’t believe it at first, but the more you say it, the more you start to believe it. Right. 

Kathryn:

Wow. What a moment of stepping outside the comfort zone. 

Paula:

Oh my God. So, and then you kind of get to a point, I was challenged again, to start rubbing coconut oil on each body part and thinking about it and appreciating each body part as you’re massaging coconut oil again, naked.

Kathryn:

So you really begin to feel and experience what your body is and what it can do more so than what it looks like.

Paula:

The strength and the wisdom, you look at wrinkles and all that, the aging and that’s wisdom. All the years of experience and life lessons I’ve learned.

Kathryn:

Oh, I love that. My daughter is a swimmer and I always encouraged her when she was in her bathing suit to go to swarming, to think about her body and what it can do and how powerful she was, because I never wanted her to worry about what she looked like when she put it on. You know, I really wanted it to be about who she was in it.

 And what that meant she was doing for herself. If she was wearing her bathing suit, that meant she was getting stronger. That meant she was doing something for herself. In hopes that she would not be self conscious and worried about what she looked like, the way I did and the way so many people do.

Right. It’s very confining. 

Paula:

Your daughter. She should be very grateful that she has a mom that has given her that message at that age. 

Kathryn:

Well, listen, maybe, but I’m sure there are plenty of other things that I’ve done that she’s talking to the counselor about. I encourage all of my children to have their own counselor because I know I was not perfect.

Paula:

Well, exactly. You’re not perfect. Nobody is. 

Kathryn:

You’re welcome to have a counselor and I will encourage you to do so.

I’ve had the best time talking to you today and for you sharing your wonderful story. I know it was not easy, so I really appreciate you doing absolutely with us and for us. Tell me about where we can find out more about you and about your podcast. 

Paula:

Well, I have a podcast, just started it just started, actually a few weeks ago. And, it’s called “Reclaiming You” and you can join my private Facebook group, Reclaiming You. And, you can email me at paula@reclaimingu.me. And I’m in the process of getting some courses, “Getting out of Your Head” is one of them and “My Morning Jams,”  another one coming down the road.

Kathryn:

Well, I absolutely love that. I encourage all of y’all to check that out. And I’ll put links in the show notes, for sure. So I like to end every podcast with asking my guests, what is one thing that you suggest we all do today. One imperfect action that we can take to move closer to our best lives.

Paula:

I would say get comfortable being uncomfortable. Just that fear of failure, you’ll never really grow until you get rid of that fear, that’s stepping outside of your comfort zone. 

Kathryn:

I love that. I second that motion. Absolutely. In fact, not only does your comfort zone not grow, it decreases and anxiety increases as you feel the need to stay in it.

It only makes you stuck. So I’m right there with you, Paula. I, I think everybody should do one thing today that is outside of their comfort zone. 

Paula:

Amen. 

Kathryn:

Love that. Now I’m going to ask you the same thing that I asked tomorrow. Before I let you go. I’m going to put you on the spot to see if you will join us for some Facebook lives and Instagram lives the week that all of our episodes come out.

I just need to see you women more often. And I think that our groups need to see you more often. Can I put you on the hook for that? 

Paula:

Absolutely. I’m excited. Let’s do it. 

Kathryn:

I think all of my listeners need to come to, the Imperfect Thriving Facebook and to your Facebook group so that they can see your beautiful face and your beautiful self and not just get to hear you.

So we’re going to get that in the works for everybody. How does that sound? 

Paula:

I love it. I’m excited about that. 

Kathryn:

Thank you so much for being here today. I really appreciate it. And for all of our listeners, go out today, step outside of your comfort zone, do one thing that’s going to get you closer to the life that you want to have.

And I will see you right back here. Same time, same place next week.