[KATHRYN]: Imperfect Thriving is a part of the Practice of the Practice podcast network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Beta Male Revolution, or Empowered and Unapologetic, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.

Welcome to the Imperfect Thriving podcast for all of us women in midlife to discover your self-limiting beliefs, determine exactly what you want your life to look like and the imperfect actions to get you there.
Hi, this is the Imperfect Thriving podcast and I’m your host, Kathryn Ely. I’m so glad you are here today and I’m super excited about today’s podcast. Hear the trumpets and confetti. Are you ready to move closer to your best life? Well, today we are going to do just that. Today’s podcast is all about how to empty nest-proof your intimate love relationship. By the end of today’s episode, you will know what imperfect daily action you can take to make sure your relationship is where you want it to be as your kids leave the house. You don’t want to miss this.

But before we jump into today’s episode, if you enjoy this episode, please take a moment to rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast. This podcast is designed specifically for you, so let me know what you think. And if you haven’t already done so, you can sign up for Your Blueprint to Thrive today. It is a free email course designed for you to take you through step by step of how to assess your satisfaction with your current life, determine exactly what you want your life to look like, and how to take daily imperfect action to get there.

To get this free email course designed specifically for you, head on over to imperfectthriving.com/course today and sign up, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Now, hopefully you’ve listened to the previous podcast and you’ve been taking imperfect action toward assessing your domains, uncovering your limiting self-beliefs in stories, and rewriting your story. If you haven’t done this most important work yet, no worries. You can still do it after this episode. It is so important to know what is working for you in your life and what is not working so that you can make the changes necessary to get to your best life. Now I’m so pumped about the podcast today. I’m going to be sharing ways to empty nest-proof your intimate relationship. Now, if you have your domain sheet or domain worksheet from imperfectthriving.com go grab it and if you don’t have it, you can pause the podcast and go to imperfectthriving.com and print yours in just a couple of minutes. Let’s look back at the intimate love relationship domain for just a minute.

How satisfied are you right now in that domain? If you’re not sure, ask yourself these questions. And they can apply to a current relationship or if you’re not currently in an intimate love relationship, they can apply just as easily to a future relationship. What does your ideal intimate relationship look like? What values must your partner share with you? What attracted you or attracts you to a significant other? How are you treating your significant other in your relationship? How do you want to be treated in your relationship? What words do you use and actions do you take to show that you value your significant other? How lovable are you on a scale of one to 10?

What do you like to spend your time together doing? How often do you spend time together? The answers to these questions will give you a good idea of what you want your relationship to look like and how close your current relationship is to looking like your ideal relationship. Now, there was definitely a time in the not so distant past that my intimate love relationship did not look anything like it did when I was first married. Life got in the way. Children, their activities, work, obligations, all got in the way of spending the kind of time we used to spend together. Now there’s nothing earth shattering or unusual about that, but my feelings about my husband had not changed or lessened. If anything, they were growing stronger every year. However, after some deep thought about whether my words and actions were actually showing my husband that I still valued him that way, I always, and I always have, I realized that words and my actions definitely weren’t showing it.

Even if I was super busy dedicating most of my time toward my children and everything else, I could still find ways to prioritize and value our relationship, to show him and tell him how valuable he was and still is to me. It is so easy when life is busy to put our significant others or our intimate love relationships last on the list. Well, really second to last. We usually reserve last on the list for ourselves. But we think our relationship will always be there. It will always be the same. But if we continue to think this way, what spot will we find ourselves in when the kids are ready to leave home? Do you think we will feel connected and on the same page? Probably not. Will we be ready and excited that we now have more time to put towards each other? Chances are no.

Instead we will most likely feel disconnected and awkward. Will this help ease the lonely and empty feelings that can come on strong when our children go out to the world? That would be a big fat no. So, what can we do now to ensure that our intimate love relationship will be right where we want it and need it to be when the time comes for our children to move out? First, we can start by showing through our words and actions that we value our significant others, that you value your significant other for the person that he or she is and for what he or she does for you. If you do value your relationship, find ways through your words and actions to help your significant other be crystal clear on that fact. Now, these can be very small, non-time-consuming things. Like simply tell him or her what you still love about him, what you still love about her, how he or she makes your life better. What do you like that he or she does for you? It can be something really small. For example, my husband unloads the dishwasher every morning as I’m running around making my son’s lunch, getting out breakfast, putting in a load of laundry, getting ready for the day. Now, he doesn’t do this just specifically for me, but if he didn’t do it, I would be stuck with it. It would be one more thing I would have to put on my list because it needs to be done.

And he noticed this and he saw this and he found a way to help without me even asking. I appreciate him for doing that. It’s such a simple thing, but he thought about it, he thought about me, and he does it to make my life easier. So, this is important for him to know. It’s important for your significant other to know what it is that he or she does that makes your life easier, richer or fuller, and it’s important not only now, but for the relationship that you want to have in the future to stay connected now so that you are connected in the future. Think of what you want your relationship to be like when your children are gone. If you lose the connection that you have now and need to start over when your children leave, it’s going to be much harder to build the bridge.

It can leave your intimate love relationship struggling and leave your significant other feeling like he or she was not very important until there was no one else around. That he or she was last on the list. And nobody likes to feel like they are last on the list. So, you want to keep this foundation strong so that when you have more time together, you will be ready to enjoy it. So, the first thing is, find small ways or your words and actions to show your significant other that you value him or her and that you value your relationship. Second, plan your future together. Now that sounds like a really simple thing, but think about it. How often do we take the time to talk about and plan our futures together? There never seems to be enough time in the day, right? Most of us just let the future happen and deal with it as it comes. But how are you going to get where you want to go if you don’t have a plan and you don’t even know where you want to go. If you don’t have a plan together, how do you know if you’re both heading in the same direction? And if you aren’t heading in the same direction, where will your relationship end up?

Take the time to go on a walk or two or have a cup of coffee and discuss where you each see yourselves together and separately, one year from now, three years from now, five years from now and even 10 years from now. We can greatly overestimate what we can accomplish in one year, but we greatly underestimate where we can be in three years, five years and 10 years. Where do you want to retire? Where do you want to live? What do you want to spend your time doing? What interests do you want to pursue? Ask yourself these questions then ask your significant other. Create a plan together that will get you where you want to go. Knowing that you are on the same path will go a very long way to keeping you heading in the same direction instead of bringing you both to a fog in the road and not knowing which way to go.

So, I am so glad you have joined me today for this episode. Now that you’ve learned all about how to empty nest proof your intimate relationship, it’s time to take action. So, the one imperfect action I encourage you to take today is this; call, text, email your significant other and set a date and a time on the calendar to take a walk or have a cup of coffee and explore your future together. Ask your significant other what his or her hopes and dreams are for the future and share your own. Then begin to formulate a plan. Don’t leave the first discussion without deciding on a time to follow up. And after you do that, pat yourself on the back, hear the trumpets, see the confetti. Celebrate the fact that you took action toward the life that you want.

Thank you so much for being here with me today and until you come back next week, go out and take imperfect action every day.

If you love this podcast, will you rate and review it on iTunes or your favorite podcast player? Also, I have a free nine-part Your Blueprint to Thrive email course. It’s a step by step guide to find out what you want your life to look like, exactly what’s holding you back, and how to get to that life you want. Head on over to www.imperfectthriving.com/course to get the course today.

This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regards to the subject matter covered. This is given with the understanding that neither the host, Practice of the Practice, or the guests are providing legal, mental health, or other professional information. If you need a professional, you should find one.