Are You A People Pleaser? How To Say No Without Guilt | IT 019

May 6, 2020

Are you a people pleaser? Do you struggle to say no? Are you putting other people’s agendas before your own?

In this podcast episode, Kathryn speaks about when and how to say no without guilt and putting your values first.

In This Podcast

Summary

  • Why it’s important for us to be able to say no
  • How to determine what to say no to
  • How to say no in the future
  • When you choose to say no
  • How to do this guilt-free
  • One imperfect action to take today

Why it’s important for us to be able to say no

If we don’t learn to say no, we’re living our lives according to other people’s agendas. We’re propelling their wants and needs forward while we remain stuck.

How to determine what to say no to

Everything that you say yes to that does not get you closer to what you value, gets you further away from what you value.

1. What do I value? What is most important to you?
2. What action can I take to live this value?
3. What things have I said yes to that are standing in the way of what I value?

How to say no in the future

Keep what you value in the front of your mind. When someone asks you to do something, ask yourself if it’s something you value or if you’re having to give up something you value in order to say yes to it.

When you choose to say no

It’s your time, it’s your life. YOU decide how to spend it.

If you choose to say no, do say politely and graciously. The easiest things to say are, “I have something else scheduled for that time” or “My schedule is full that week”.

How to do this guilt-free

You have to believe that you’re important, that you are of value and you get to choose how to spend your time.

One imperfect action to take today

Get your calendar out and take the time for this activity.

  • Determine all of the things on your schedule that doesn’t bring you closer to what you value.
    – Work out the time that it will take to do each of these activities.
  • Make a list of the things you value and want to be putting your time and actions towards.
    – Work out the time that it will take to do each of these activities.
  • Go back through all of the scheduled activities (that don’t bring you closer to your values) and figure out a way to get them off of your schedule.
  • Say no to these things in the future.
  • Schedule all of the activities that bring you closer to your values.

Useful links:

Kathryn Ily

Meet Kathryn Ely

I’m Kathryn Ely and at age 50, I’m enjoying my very best life. I spent years as a lawyer and then stay-at-home mom helping others go out into the world and live their best lives. While this was very important to me, I did not realize that I was losing myself in the process. I followed all of the “shoulds” like “women should always care for others” and “taking time for yourself is just selfish”.

As two of my children were getting ready to go out into the world I realized I was lost, without my next purpose, and it was scary. So I went back to school and over the course of several years, I not only found myself, but I designed the formula for women in midlife to achieve their most fulfilling lives. It is my mission to equip as many women as possible with this design and the tools to make this chapter of their lives the best chapter.

Thanks for listening!

Did you enjoy this podcast? Feel free to leave a comment below or share this podcast on social media! You can also leave a review of the Imperfect Thriving Podcast on iTunes and subscribe!

Imperfect Thriving is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Beta Male Revolution, or Empowered and Unapologetic, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.

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About Kathryn

I’ve created Imperfect Thriving to help you get back to who you really are, and live your best life possible, imperfectly.

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